It's okay not to be okay

You know what really amazes me? How in 2016 mental health still has a big stigma attached to it's rear end. It is estimated in England that almost 1 in every 4 people will experience a mental health problem in any given year. So what do many people do to understand this type of illness? They do the opposite and just choose not to understand it.

I know and have known people to who have struggled with mental illnesses, I've experienced low points myself especially during University and more recently got diagnosed with anxiety. To be honest, I've never allowed myself to accept the anxiety and it's mainly down to these so called stigmas. I once told someone and laughed it off with them, I just put it down to awkwardness and change the subject abruptly or joke about it. But it's not a joke, I have to live with it. The impending doom of redness in situations that shouldn't even cause me embarassment but I can feel the heat radiating off my skin and the eyes on me as they giggle and say 'you're going red again'. Again, I laugh it off but inside it ruins me everyday. It stops me from having general conversations as I can feel myself firing up and I just quickly exit the situation. You know what the worst thing about anxiety is for me? That constant feel of worry and predicting the worst in every outcome, stopping yourself from doing things that most people don't even have to think about twice.

I've changed a lot these past few years and I have let go of a lot of things that were stopping me, but it's been such a hard battle from losing weight to finishing university to now doing something I never imagined; even putting my dreams on hold. But I'm still not there yet and sometimes I really have to question if I can change any more, I just want to not hold back on being myself in front of everyone and worrying about what they'll think. Finding someone who loves me for me and accepting that they do like me before I run them out of town because my anxiety takes over. I think the worst thing about mental illnesses though is the reception we receive in regards to them. I've got family members who just don't believe at a young age you can be depressed about anything and should be constantly happy because you have nothing to worry about. How cynical of them is that? I just don't understand it, or even those who refuse to believe any form of depression is a real thing.

I recently picked up 'Mindfulness for busy people' by Dr Michael Sinclair & Josie Seydel that aims to help you understand the art of mindfulness and how to adopt it into your hectic life to become a better a version of yourself. I've tried reading so many self help books but I just can't commit, my mind doesn't like focus. The last attempt of 'The Secret' ended abruptly as I just couldn't understand the point. But maybe this time I can open my mind into allowing myself to breathe more in conversations and under pressure, whilst stopping myself from going fire engine red in every conversation. It's not cute and awkward, it's just plain annoying. 
So to those who are currently going through tough times, my only advice is speak to someone, don't keep it in. It's not an easy journey to be on when things go rough, but being on that path with someone by your side is a big step towards

I would love to hear people's thoughts/processes on this, in general and if you struggle/have struggled what do you do to remain positive?

Until next time,


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