Be who YOU want to be.

I've been off the exercise/healthy eating band wagon for a weeks and I've never felt worse about myself. It's like I can't stop but I hate it when I'm doing it. I'm constantly in a state of worry about my appearance and weight, something I've never experienced before and I don't like it. I've been on this lifestyle change for just over a year and a half now and although I've never been happier when I look in the mirror, emotionally it's ruined my mind. All my brain thinks about is calories and carbs and the size of the jeans I'm wearing. I've grew up in the shadows of my pretty friends and I've always been that bit bigger than those around me. So these past two years I've taken the time to try and change what I didn't like or more so what others didn't like.

In creating yourself for someone to see, you are losing who you were truly meant to be. 

I've just come across this quote and it really made me think about my actions and the mindset I'm currently in. I've spent SO much time trying to be that person I thought everybody else wanted; what society wanted that I lost some of Chelsey along the way. Don't get me wrong I don't want to go back into the person I used to be and I'm sure the food worry will never truly disappear, I've made myself healthier and fitter but I lost that spark that made me, me along the way. I look back at 15/16 year old me and I had the world at my feet, I had so many hopes and dreams and I was happy being that version of me. I was this happy go-getting bubbly kid that didn't have a care in the world. I don't really know what I'm getting at with this post but I felt like I needed to get it off my chest; after eating bad for the past few weeks it's brought me down lower than I have been in awhile. I think the pile up of stress with finishing Uni in two weeks whilst trying to finish my endless assignments, working what feels like hundreds of hours, running a marathon, finishing one job and starting a new one has gotten to me. Life is happening and I don't like it?!?!??!

I guess we just have to take these moments sometimes, let our brain work overtime in worrying and hopefully wake up with them all gone away. I just think there's so much pressure out there nowadays in feeling right and looking perfect otherwise we're just outcasts. I'll never be society's definition of perfect and I'm okay with that but why should there be a definition of perfect in today's society? We're big, small, round, thin, curvy and we're all perfect right? Maybe society should constantly remind us of that. You don't have to be a size 0, just be healthy and happy. As long as you've got that you've cracked it. These next few weeks I'm going to get back on track physically and emotionally, I have to focus on my happiness and think positively, because then positive things will happen. As long as we maintain that mindset I'm sure we can defy everything and what society perceives as 'perfect' can kiss my arse.

Be you and stay beautiful guys.


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