Long time since the playground

I was in my 'stairs longingly out of the window with head phones in and pretend you're in a music video' mode on my way to work the other day and as I passed a primary school I noticed all the kids running around in their own little element and their only worries being which friend they'd argued with today and I just thought isn't it scary how quickly we grow up?

And now I enter 2015 as a 21 year old almost graduate with a list of maybe ambitions and a degree that's worth nothing. I know you've probably heard my education rants over and over but it just makes me so angry as I've literally wasted 3 years of my life. Last year I was so full of anger and hatred and stress that I took it on the world, I've come to terms with the fact that university made me that way. Everything annoyed me, my temper was so short and only now am I realising this. This past year especially the latter half has been such an eye opener to me. I've finally learnt to accept myself for who I am and what I look like, don't get me wrong there's still so much I need to do to get to my happy point but I know the journey I need to take. I've also realised that I need to focus on me, my life and where I want go before opening myself up to others.

It's just terrifying because all I've ever known is education but what if I leave and flunk? I have careers constantly floating around my head daily from an air hostess to a nurse in the British army. Will there be a time when I think yes that's my career?! I'm an over thinker and always will be but the uncertainty of not knowing where my life is going scares me especially when my heart was in media for so long and these past 3 years has just ripped all the ambition and drive within me.

What do you want to be when you grow up? I just want to be happy.


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