I'm using this post as a medium for letting out my current sadness. My Dad has been pretty ill the past few days after a big operation and is currently fighting infections and himself. I know he's going to be fine but the more I see him, the less I recognise him.

The strong minded, stubborn and pain in the ass I know and love so well isn't there at the moment and it breaks my heart. Yesterday I saw my Dad break down into tears for the first time in my 20 years of breathing; seeing someone you've always admired for their willpower and ability to carry on no matter what life throws at you is just heart wrenching. It really does just show you that every body is human and we can break so easily.

So Dad, if you ever get the chance to read this just know I love you with every ounce of my body and I'm so proud of all you've given us. The little intermediate family we have is the best gift life can ever give me and I am so grateful for all the love I've been given and still receive. I'd much rather you be sat shouting at me and giving me orders to seeing you lay depressed in a hospital bed. I love you old man. I look forward to topping your brew up and being refused ownership of the remote very soon.

To anybody that's going through the same pain or has ever lost a close loved one just know I admire you, you're so strong and brave. 

Chels :(


Jusqu'ici tout va bien

If heaven was a city I'm pretty sure it's name would be Paris...

I've just got back from a 3 day trip with my Grandma that my Grandparents got me for an early 21st present (super lucky I know!).

I honestly don't think I've ever seen such a beautiful city, I fell in love. It was simply perfect... from the amazing cruise up the River Seine to queuing for hours on the Eiffel Tour, lighting candles for relatives in Notre Damn, putting a lock on the bridge and visiting the Sacre Coeur, everything about the city is so rich; the culture is flowing. Everywhere you look there's something happening. I'd go back forever and ever in a heart beat! We spent the weekend drinking endless amounts of coffee in cute little cafes; eating enough pastries to feed the whole of France and wandering aimlessly in awe at everything the city has to offer.

My favourite part had to be putting a lock on the bridge over the river, it's always been on my bucket list and I couldn't think of a better person to put one on with. My Grandma is one of my favourite people and being there with her was an honour... as we locked it on we each kept a key each and threw one in the river. She said to me 'now we'll always be here together, because next time you come I might not be here' and it broke my heart into a million pieces, the love I have for my family is beyond words and I'm so glad I got to share my weekend with her there.

The more I travel, the more I fall in love with the world. All I ever feel is the wanderlust, the desire to see more and I know one day I'm gonna make it happen, it's the only dream I've had and wanted to accomplish. What's the point of the world being there and being stuck in once place? Surely it's there for us to see and experience. I'm now making it my 5 year plan to pass my driving test, get a car and head straight to Europe. You heard it here first folks!

I urge anybody to spend even 24 hours in the city. It really does open your eyes. If you can dream it, you can do it.



Party Time and Planning!

One of my very best friends Tom turned 21 this month and had an uber cool birthday barbecue to celebrate it. It was full of too much alcohol, the best kind of cheesy music and unlimited photo taking...

As you can see from the middle he had a wireless printer where you could take and print photos out at any moment from your phones then you hung them up on a line on the wall for him to have for keepsakes... I totally abused this as some examples above show.

But it got me thinking about my 21st, it's in November and I'm having a party (ahhhhhhh) with all my family and friends, my inner pinterest geek came out and I've been scrapbooking ideas for a while, I'm hoping to set up a photobooth with props for all my family to enjoy, photo booths are literally the coolest things if I could not have a party and hire a photobooth all my problems would be solved.

Other than that only 28 days till I go back to Uni for my final year, if only I knew where to go with life :(

until next time bloggers,



50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind

  1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
    That depends how you look at it, if you judge my age based on my face I look about 16. Seriously, my cheeks do me no favours. But if you go off my mentality, I'd probably say mid 30's, I swear I've already had a mid life crisis, I'm definitely old before my time. (Not a lot of wooooo's, plenty of brews!)
  2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
    100% never trying. If you never try how would know what could have been? As people we constantly learn from our failures and celebrate our successes, without trying none of this is possible.
  3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
    Because at the end of the day we all get caught up in the moment. I think it takes a special kind of person to live life like everybody dreams of, we're all aware of the time we have left or how it can be cut short in an instance but it's so easy to get lost in that and focus on the present day too much. I do it all the time, then I sit back and think of all the dreams I have and just hope one day I'll be experiencing them and getting all I can out of life.
  4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
    Most probably. I'm all talk and dreaming and sometimes getting caught up in them dreams is easier than doing them. But I do know that eventually, I'll be where I want to be and doing exactly what I want to do.
  5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
    I'd love to help shape people's view point on the education system, from young to old. I think over time we've been injected with this idea that we should follow a certain path; more options should be shown to children in terms of what they can do when they finish school. I just think some kids have so much potential on their own yet we're forced to believe College/University is the only path to success. (bleh I know - but it frustrates me to the moon and back)

    That and along with equality, I think discrimintation will forever be the biggest issue. At the end of the day we're all human, our insides essentially work the same. We are one.
  6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
    This is an uber hard question for me because I'm at the crossroads where I have no clue what I want to be in when I've finished Uni. It an ideal world I'd love to follow down my degree route and become a producer but I'm sure most people doing a Media related degree will realise how frikken hard it is. At this moment in time I think travelling the world and making videos as I go would make me the happiest kinda rich girl.
  7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
    I think when I started out I was doing what I believed in and I was good at it, I had all these cool experiences in not many people could say they've done before but over time I lost the belief in it and I guess in my mind I'm settling for whatever life gives, but then again who's to say that's not something I'll believe in?
  8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
    I wouldn't have gone to University, I'd have been so many places by now, I'd probably have taken the risks I should've manned up and took now but I think once I've left University I can do all of the things I'd like to do differently. I don't think we should live life inside an egg timer, just live it how you want without restrictions.
  9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
    I'm not at the point yet I don't think, I've followed the course been lay out for me. I've got the grades, I've moved into different things but never truly controlled anything. Other than my working life, I've not be as fortunate as others so I've controlled how much money I earn and spend and I wouldn't have it any other way.
  10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
    I'm more anxious about doing things right, I like to go at things with 100% my standards are higher than my brain can produce but I like to think if I put all my effort it then it'll work out in the end. In terms of doing the right things... can we ever? Everybody has different ideas of whats right or wrong and that's where most of our life choices stem from.
  11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
    I'd tell them right there and then that she was close to me, I want to know why they thought this in the first place and try and put them straight. You can't go through life with drama or fake friends... it always ends bad.
  12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
    That dreams don't just have to be dreamt; everything you want to achieve, you should set about achieving it.
  13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
    As they say 'love triumphs all'!!! But I guess it depends on the crime they've committed and if it had any good intentions. I ain't going to jail any time soon...
  14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
    Don't we all? We're all a little bit crazy inside. I think i'll stick to writing mine down then maybe one day when I'm gone somebody will find them and I'll be the coolest gal around.
  15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
    Most people aren't me. That's as good as I can put it. I'm a socially awkward 20 year old who goes red on the word go. I don't normal comes into my vocabulary. But then again, I like being different.
  16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
    Because I find it harder to be happier sometimes. But other than that I don't think I'm that different, lots of things make me happy as they would anyone.
  17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?
    You've probably guessed a reoccurring theme here but I can't think of anything I'd rather do than travel the world, I think I just want to age a few years and fill up my bank account but then nothings going to hold me back.
  18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
    I hold on to a lot of things really, some big, some small, some memories I'd never tell anyone but letting go is hard. Although some are bad I guess they become a part of the person I am today. The reason I want to change things.
  19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
    New York. Ever since I visited last March all I want to go is go back. So what American films make me awe it more but who wouldn't want that life style?
  20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
    You're telling me it doesn't now?!
  21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
    I wouldn't say I'm a worried genius, but I definitely worry far too much for my liking and over everything so I'd love to be a joyful simpleton with no worries at all.
  22. Why are you, you?
    Because this one time these two people decided a ginger, blue eyed, chubby, awkward and low self-esteem baby would slay all babies. 
  23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
    Yes and no. Sometimes I'm too stubborn and I find myself getting angry when I have to put more effort in. I should just slap myself and get on with it. My friends are ace.
  24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
    Losing touch. I have a very good friend just around the corner who's friendship I totally messed up and she was (and to some extent always will be) my best friend. I miss you G.
  25. What are you most grateful for?
    My family, especially my parents who no matter what have always provided the best for us.
  26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
    Ooh. Toughie. It depends, if I lose my old memories would the people be lost with it? But then could I make new ones with the people I've always known? If that's the case I'd choose the latter.
  27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
    I suppose not, you have to challenge most things anyway whether that's looking for the truth or not.
  28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
    No, my greatest fear is death. I've been luckily enough to not lose anyone close to me yet and god forbid it happen yet. Everyone I love is around me and I wish to keep it that way.
  29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
    I can't remember it... so probably not!
  30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
    I remember it was Christmas eve, I was sharing a room with my little sister so I must've been quite young. My bedroom door opened and in shouted HO HO HO. It was my Dad. Dressed as Santa (the worst Santa ever may I add... he had my Grandads glasses on!). He woke up me and my little sister (like Santa would do that) dropped down some presents and left. That was it. Simple. It's just always stuck in my head over the years and we giggle about it each christmas, to this day he still eats the mince pie and carrot we leave it and it always puts a smile on my face. I miss believing in Santa, it defines our childhood of happiness.
  31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
    As lame as it sounds when I handed my radio piece into Uni, it made me love Media again for that little while and everything I'd loved about it over the years came back.
  32. If not now, then when?
  33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
    I should take that statement and tattoo it... I have nothing to lose but I constantly hold myself back.
  34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
    Having friendships where you don't have to say anything when each other's company and isn't awkward just shows that you're are super friends... if it is awkward then you should reconsider your company!
  35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
    Because different types of religions want different types of love.
  36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
    No, I've feel for the evil too many times when you see good on surface. Parts of life are blinding and you've just got to deal with it all head on then pick out the bad from the good and move on.
  37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
    I don't think you could answer that till you're in that situation. I'd definitely buy a super cool flat and give my parents half, pay of their mortgage and go on the biggest holiday ever. Sometimes I think we need to realise that having money doesn't guarantee you happiness.
  38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
    I'd rather have more work, I like having something to do. It's having the purpose of doing something for people, in some aspects it's rewarding. Doing nothing doesn't get you anywhere.
  39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
    Yes, I've probably sat in front of my laptop after works a billion times more than I've done anything different. One day that'll change though, I can feel it.
  40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
    Not for a while. Taking risks scares me, I feel like it'll get me in trouble in work or I'll fail my degree. I think my mind thinks of the consequences more than the rewards. Sucks bad but I can't help it.
  41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
    I'd stay exactly where I was at home with the people who matter most to me along with my Grandparents and my Auntie and Cousin.
  42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
    If you'd have asked me that 5 years ago, yes. Now, no. I like being the girl who writes blogs for a small amount of people and watches endless amounts of tv shows and tweets till my fingers are sore. Why would I give that up for a life of exposure? Sure I'd like to be skinny and pretty but none of that would give me real happiness.
  43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
    Anyone can live, the minute you're born you are alive but then it's up to you throughout to live that life to the full and that's when you're truly living.
  44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
    When you find out, let me know please? Hopefully sometime soon.
  45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
    Because some mistakes have consequences that we fear far too much. Yes they can make us bigger and better people but at the time if you make a mistake on that exam... you fail it? You might be glad for that in the future but at the present it's terrifying.
  46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
    I'd wear a bikini on holiday and I'd love my body more, because right now I feel like society constantly judges me for how I look.
  47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
    Last night, my little sister shouts at me every night for breathing too loud (She's just got extra sensitive ears clearly)
  48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
    To be honest and it's quite sad, I used to love so many things but recently I haven't found any that makes me truly happy on the inside. I'm working on that though.
  49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
    Maybe a week a go, I was poolside in Portugal but yesterday and the day before that I worked.... oh work.
  50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
    Right now, I'm probably letting others make them for me. I'm so bad at saying no, I feel under powered at almost every moment in the day. It's something I try to work on daily but I think the older I get the better I'll be at it. Obviously in some aspects of life I make them for myself but I am a sucker to the word yes.

Thank you to the lovely Meg who gave me the idea to do this! You can check out her answers here

or if you want to do it for yourself get the blank questions from here :)

Side note:  I just want to dedicate this weeks posts to Robin Williams, a legend taken by something that is taken for granted. If you seek any kind of help with depression, don't hesitate to talk to anyone. Hearing the right words can get them through the day.



Am I grown up yet?

So I've been thinking and when that happens it usually follows with a ton of questions I can't answer. Minus the obvious ones I ask myself on a daily basis... Why do I look like this? Why the hell am I ginger? Why does healthy food have to taste so bad? Why aren't I travelling the world yet? and then I realise almost everybody is asking them same questions. 

But what I want to know is what age are we meant to consider being 'grown up'? We hear it all the way through life, our parents tell us 'when you're a grown up...' or people ask us 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' it's a question with a infinite amount of answers, so what age would that be?
I've always had a baby face, at 20 I look about 16 and the comments constantly fly with it, so do I have to look older to be considered grown up? Is there a certain professional level I should be at?

I feel society tells us that we should have done so many steps in life to become an official adult whether it's gaining a degree, finding the love of your life, getting married, having a child, having a super professional job... but what happens if we don't want that? What if we want to live freely whilst doing jobs that make us happy not that make us the most money. I think that's where peoples hopes and dreams get lost sometimes, I mean don't get me wrong if your aspirations are to be super successful then go you, well done but some are blinded by what is seen as right. We should live as we want and that will determine our maturity.

I found this comment online '"Grown up" is to me a state of being that's not determined by how long we have lived. Each person will arrive there once they have experienced enough the grow the maturity needed' and I think it says it perfectly, we get there when we're ready not when we follow a set of society rules that gives the impression it's the only way to reach that level in life. Surely when you're comfortable with how your life is going that's when you're considered to be grown up not be A grown up?

Do I make sense? I always make these tangents but I believe one of the most important lessons in life is letting a person choose their own choices as that can put you on the path for happiness.



“Every dreamer knows that it is entirely possible to be homesick for a place you've never been to, perhaps more homesick than for familiar ground.” 

― Judith Thurman

Whaddup! I've just gotten back from a lovely week in Portugal with my family. We stayed in the small town of Olhos D'Agua and it was definitely the week off I needed! I did absolutely nothing but relax and swim, my ginger pasty skin even got a slight glow (I'll have slept it off by tomorrow, ha!)

It made me realise how pretty the world is and I can't wait to pack my backpack in a few years and go see more of it. Travelling isn't about leaving everything behind, it's about going and coming back to it with a new pair of eyes and a different view on the world. So if you can ever get that chance, then take it. You don't know what life will give you whilst you're out there.

But until my next adventure I sit and write this, with the rain pouring outside and work starting back up tomorrow I have nothing left but to muse over my recent photos and plan places I want to see. I really should be planning my final year project because it's just failing like there's no tomorrow but hey ho, my degree won't be there forever... but the world will!

I'll leave you with some photos of my trip, all taken by my pretty little Nikon. Peace out guys... Paris in 2 weeks :)


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