On a brighter note... some random snaps from a few trips. From Scarborough to Wales to Liverpool. All taken with my Nikon D3100 :)

 
   
 
  

cycles of bad

I've been at what they call a 'low' point recently, I go through these cycles of being okay and then straight to hating life. Hahahaha life. The word that stands for something that has so much potential and failure and power. I feel like I'm gonna one of those people that never truly find themselves or finds their passion in life and I'll be stuck doing something that makes me constantly sad. I've been in such a constant state of wanderlust lately and I want nothing more than having money in my bank, a backpack on my bag and a plane ticket to anywhere in my hand. I think it's a shame if we go through life never experience what the world has to offer, experience those different cultures and just live in that moment that would never be forgotten. 

I think choosing the path of Education for me was one of my biggest mistakes or even choosing to study Media. Don't get me wrong I've made some lovely friends, gotten closer to ones I had and made some things I am proud of but the price and the course itself is way overvalued; each day I'm there I list the places I'd rather be. I think certain jobs don't need a piece of paper to prove you can do it and Media is one of those, it's about the people you know, the skills you pick up yourself and the experience you have. Not one thing I have learnt in the past two years gives me confidence that I feel will set me up as a successful worker in the media industry. I know longer want to pursue the dream I've had for 6 years, so what do I now?

I'm an over thinker, I always have been and I always will be. People tell me they can see me constantly thinking but I can't change my ways. I get myself in such a rut that I can't break out of and the same bad thoughts replay over and over in my head. (I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm not going to get anywhere, I'm alone and blah blah blah) Sometimes I feel like I'm over exaggerating and that telling people makes me seem needy but I don't know how to cope with these thoughts how do I change what I'm thinking? Positivity doesn't work, I've changed my lifestyle and will hopefully be at the weight seen acceptable nowadays but I can't make myself attractive? I can't change my awkward personality. I persevere. But all I do know is that one day I need to leave this place. For a month, 6 months, a year. I need the world and the world needs to meet me. I think we all deserve a little wanderlust.




chels xo

After my last post, I got a lot of lovely feedback and messages from the world online and it gave me renewed motivation to restart my slimming world journey. I managed to lose a stone in a short time last summer so I want to lose two to get to my target. I'm gonna try and follow the plan myself and go on walks and bike rides when I'm not working. It's time for a change and it's not gonna happen if I keep whining about it. Be the change you wish to see in the world.
                           

                      

Peace out bloggers, today's going to consist of revision, meal preps and hopefully a walk later. Happy Eastee!

Chels x

Me

I've always struggled with my weight and general body image and I don't think there's ever been a time when I've been happy with how I look. I've never been the pretty friend or the slim friend and there hasn't been a point where I was a good weight. I am my own worst enemy I beat myself up about it constantly then revert to food to drown my sorrows.

I get so on track and then come to a halt and I hate myself. Now I know what you're thinking 'you don't hate yourself' but I do. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I'm not massive deep down I know but on the surface and through my eyes I'm appalling. Of course I have the days when I think yeah you look okay today, then someone snaps a picture of you and immediately retract the statement. I think dieting makes me feel worse about myself as the flaws become more apparent the odd pound you lose as it reveals more insecurities. 

I've spent countless hours watching self motivational videos on how you should love yourself because you're YOU at the end of the day and I take it in and I accept it but never to a full extent. I'm going to me for the rest of my life and I will look like me for the rest of my life but I just haven't accepted them flaws yet. I'm going to list the things I hate about my body and maybe I'll look back on my 20 year old self and think I was stupid

- My round face
- My big forehead
- My eyelids (weird thing to dislike I know)
- My ball typed nose
- The way my chin balls up at end
- My triple double chins
- My stomach (#1)
- The way my back sticks out just a little at the top
- My non-existing shape (unless plank is the new pear)
- My flat chest
- Everything PCOS gives me
- My fat fingers
- My huge backside that makes me feel bigger 9 times out of 10
- My thighs

What if there comes a point where I don't accept these flaws? and I continue to live my socially awkward life avoiding humans whenever possible. I mean I don't even like cats so the cat option is totally out the window. Sometimes I think it's okay to have these problems with my body as it gives me the determination to change but then one wrong move or nasty little comment and you're back to snacking and getting more fed up. I do sometimes think if it's just more than me feeling down but the world doesn't understand these problems so who are you supposed to tell?

I've always been one of them people who would rather give advice than ask for it, I'm good at hiding my problems and honestly if I had one wish, it wouldn't to be beautiful or skinny it'd just be to accept myself because until then I do think I hold myself back. But if I don't love me, who will?




Scottish referendum #4

So you may have seen this in the news, but in September the lovely people of Scotland will vote whether or not they should be an independent country.

I don't have much of an opinion on this but do we smell or something? Like seriously we're British mother fxckers, bow down and drink tea and eat scones and talk about how cute the queen is with us. Why does everybody wanna disband from us? You're totally attached to ENGLAND we're not attached to SCOTLAND just stick around and we'll have one big super party; bring your best kilts and ginger beards and we'll shower you with our Britishness. No I'm totally joking but you've been with us  since 1707 so why do you wanna leave now?

If it helps I wouldn't wanna be a part of England either. Them stupid vindictive Tories ruined everything, ruddy politics!!!!! I just don't think this vote should put any strain on the relationship between the English and Scottish, at the end of the day it's their own country and if they want the independence then so be it (but please don't I feel like you're totally taking David Tennant away from me even if he lives in England). What will be, will be and I think our government has a lot to answer for if it happens because it's most likely their fault for driving every country away and throwing all the money away. As you can see I'm totally equipped in the world of polictics, I never really pay attention other than to hate those in power. Ha!

Sorry it's an uber short one today, this was a toughie and it's been a long week.

(Check out Tom's Monday topic on body image, here)

Gay Marriage #3

The ever so controversial subject of same-sex marriage is a huge one to the end of the earth and back. And I constantly ask myself why? Growing up in an era where the word gay was used out of context whilst being thrown about like nobodies business when it once simply meant 'happy', I personally don't like the word gay, straight isn't thrown about so easily. Can you imagine somebody saying 'don't be so straight', so why world why?

I am a strong believer in you love who you love, no amount of obstacles should overcome that whether it be ethnicity, religion or like being discussed your sexuality. If a man loves a woman, great. If a woman loves a woman, great. If a man loves a man, great. We are ALL human. Think of us like computers we're all programmed similar if not the same when starting out and the programs and viruses we pick up along the way are fate, they happen. I think everything happens for a reason, yes sometimes these reasons are out of the blue or painful but it leads to a good cause. As humans we crave love and acceptance and if being in a heterosexual and homosexual relationship gives us those basic needs then why should it be an issue? I am proud of the UK making same-sex marriage legal as it gives everybody the chance to be equal. Why there has been such a delay is beyond me. I think the more time spent glossing over the subject of sexuality creates the buzz and sometimes bad stigma making it worse. I do feel that's what's caused problems over years... the ignorance of the world of the subject in hand. By not acknowledging it or even trying to understand it (which really there isn't anything to understand) it's caused people to hide away from who they are or for pig-headed bullies to use it as a reason to vent their anger. So congratulations to all those couples who couldn't get married before. You go walk down that aisle and look fabulous.
I just hope one day the equality spreads worldwide.

P.S
You should check out this arcticle that lists 10 Animals that practice homosexuality... just because they frikken can. 


I know this post is tiny but I don't think there's much to say on the subject other than if you're reading this and you're against it, I believe you're 100% wrong and no amount of rubbish facts will change that.

{Check out Tom's 3rd #gingewinge post on Benefits here}

Cryptozoology #2

First of all super sorry I'm late with my gingewinges and general attendance on blogspot this week. Deadlines
are coming at me like there's no tomorrow and I suddenly got a social life thrown at me (I know, I can't cope!)

So you'll be getting two #gingewinge posts close together, the first is covering the topic of Cryptids. Simply meaning 'hidden animals' these are your big foots, loch ness monsters and some I'd never even heard off. Now we've established I'm not a big believer in much other than the pocketful of dreams I carry around but I guess Cryptozoology is pretty funky. It's a type of pseudoscience (a scientific belief) that involves the search for animals whose existence has not yet been proven or can sometimes be considered extinct. A little part of me though does wonder if these Cryptids have to have a mental test before researching or they just got bored one day and took a picture of a dodgy looking branch floating around back in 1934...


I mean this looks more like two people in a comedy horse suit than a famous folklore creature on land?
But nethertheless I scoured the internet and there's hundreds of pages dedicated to these creatures that existences haven't been proven or hardly seen. Check out this one, it's full of whacky theories. Good ole' Nessie has definitely got to best and the one we've all heard about. So many have come forward and demanded to have seen her, yet you'd think after the vast technological improvements we'd have something better than pixelated images to show, don't we have some fancy thermal imaging shizz to see if there truly is a giant long snake-like dragony, lizardy thing floating around a lake in Scotland? It's even recently been reported that she's packed up her belongings and emigrated to Australia as nobody has seen her in 18 months and with sightings now emerging from there... I don't blame her! I'd totally swim there too if possible. Surely she wouldn't be able to adapt to the changes in water and temperatures of down under? or even possibly get there?! These ruddy pseudosciences man, they've got too much faith and time on their hands if you ask me.

My favourites are the dinosaur-like birds (or birds basically) like Ropens that have only truly been seen by eye witnesses and no photos have ever emerged and over 90% of the sightings being from a distant in a glowing form... which in simple terms means MOVES TOO FAST TO BE SEEN. These Cryptids sound totally legit to me.

I did try and look into this subject to open my beliefs up to the possibilities of these animals existing, it is genuinely fascinating and the world would be a cooler place with them in it. If these creatures have lived for years and years on end and survived, evolved and adapted to our ever changing planet then I think it'd be a real eye opener for us and science in general. But until then the internet should throw some real facts and better photos at me. How do I know my 80 year old half blind Great Gran didn't see one of them out of her bad eye?

~


Sorry it's a quick one - I'm playing catch up. Check out Tom's second #gingewinge post on Flight MH730!
I'll try my best not to abandon you guys again.
Peace out, chels xo

my happy place


That one place we all have and love and use to escape the daily pains life throws at us. 







I'm a huge lover of simplicity, pastel colours and maps. I love looking at maps and drafting up the places I hope to one day visit and after a super bad day I look at all the places I'd rather be. I'm a huge television fan (Bones and Doctor Who - frik yeah!) so my DVDs are my prize possession.  I always take pictures where ever I go and like putting them on my walls in different ways, I love the way the camera captures a memory that can so easily be forgotten. I like to think my room reflects the inside of my head that nobody really sees, it's me sprawled out across four walls.

Quick post today! I just wanted to begin by slowly introducing my life to the world. Have a great week guys.

Ghosts #1

So like I said me and my friend were taking on a project where twice a week we give each other topics to write about... you'll see it under the #gingewinge page along with Toms topic that week.
I found this one a difficult subject to tackle (thanks Tom!) hence me leaving it till the last minute after work. Ghosts. It's a funny one isn't it? Personally I prefer mine advertised around Halloween with a white sheet over them. 

After some extensive googling and reading forums into the paranormal it's a subject I don't like to dwell on too much, to sum up Ghost hunter Hans Holzer wrote:
"A ghost is a human being who has passed out of the physical body, usually in a traumatic state and is not aware usually of his true condition. We are all spirits encased in physical body. At the mtime of passing, our spirit body continues into the next dimension. A ghost, on the other hand, due to trauma, is stuck in our physical and needs to be released to go on."

I've never been good with the subject of death, since being little I've spent so many sleepless nights worrying about dying and what happens when you do. It's my only real fear in life, to die and never leave something behind or losing those around me first. The thought of becoming a ghost trapped in a limbo state and haunting a place that is either the scene of your death or somewhere that was loved by you when you were alive isn't something that soothes my thoughts. I think those that do believe in ghosts have to have a good belief system that to some extent stems into an aspect of religion and honestly? I've never wanted to believe. I just don't see how tracing back on past memories or places in a ghost form could be peaceful in whatever the afterlife brings to us. It's said that since energy cannot be neither destroyed or created then the energy we're made off can't die resulting in ghosts forming. 

I mean of course you have to look at it from the angle of those who pass before their time is up, they're leaving something behind and if ghosts were real then the method in them being stuck in between means something. But I think those who live out there lives till the end tend to come to an agreement and accept death (nobody ever truly wants to die - I get that) meaning the story they'd spent their years writing comes to it's final conclusion. 

I know this has almost turned onto the subject of death but anything surrounding it always pulls at my heart strings and brings a tear to my eye. Since being the 10 year old thinking 'what happens after death?' to being the 20 year old still not knowing; to this day I still get the night terrors. But nobody knows, the dead don't speak to us and I honestly don't think they come back, I think the signs we see linking us back to our loved ones is down to the brain, an organ that will never be grasped or used to it's full potential so maybe it's showing us what we want to see. I like to think when we die we become at peace with the Earth and what's done is done. One persons opinions doesn't change the world, so this was mine and I guess we won't know until it's being experienced... but even then can we experience it?

My thoughts have been shared, I hope it's not too deep for a Thursday!
Life is something that is beautiful even if we don't feel it all the time but when that small sight of light appears, smile and take it in for that second, hour or day. Until death takes us, the story we choose to write is our own. Don't follow a structure, have millions of beginnings and do what you want, not what others want you to do. We're all still finding ourselves until the day we die, so whether or not we find ourselves in this 'in between' just chose to take something with you, a legacy. 

I think even when reaching and waiting for the end, we're always thinking about the new beginning to follow.

(check out Tom's bi-weekly #gingewinge here, I gave him the subject of religion)



I figured the hardest post to write is the first, so I'm gonna aim to keep it as short and sweet as possible. Whaddup Bloggers, is that the lingo here?
I'm practically a newbie to all of this other than 16 year old me ranting about life as a college student... don't worry I've totally progressed, now I'm a 20 year old ranting about life as a university student. So stick around for my attempt at blogging masterpieces, sharing things I love and the adventures I try and have. I've got a serious pet hate for the education system, rich people and onions. So you can guarantee for some differing in opinions. I'll also be doing a project with my friend where we give each other topics twice a week to write about, go check out #gingewinge.

So yeah, welcome world.
ox

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